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This year signifies a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {